Let me tell you a little something about myself. My real name is Big A.C. I was born and raised in the exotic state of Rhode Island by a pack of wolves. I can speak Italian in French and Spanish in German. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. My catch phrase is “stay thirsty my friends”. The only thing I eat and that I have only eaten is deep fried Twinkies. I find it baffling that the planet earth is named earth. I was born in 1862 and I am only 17 years old. I have 4,562,891 middle names. All my friends call me inhuman but I prefer to be called diabolical. In my many past lives I was Jesus Christ, Leonardo Di Vinci, and John Lennon. I am a babe magnet, literally. I make dynamite out of peanuts. I only sneeze with my eyes open and I can lick my own elbow. I am a world champion in the game of tag. I killed a man only using my thumb and my orbital bone. I am the definition of the word illustrious. I built a life size replica of Candlestick Park using cards and now I have nowhere to put it. Scouting reports already say that I will be drafted 1st overall in the NHL, MLB, NFL, CFL, and NBA in the year 2025.
I convinced the population of China that chocolate milk is a fluid from heaven. I make Chuck Norris look like the weakest person in the world. I decide when it snows. I have my own currency. Coffee doesn't wake me up, it puts me to sleep. I wrestle tuna fish on my spare time. I fist pump so hard, I wasn't allowed to be on the show Jersey Shore. I stated at the UN that the next world war will be WWV because it will be so intense that it will skip WWIII and WWIV. I can turn my hands into a blender. I can be at two places at once. I don't walk dogs, dogs walk me. I can grow a moustache in 6 seconds flat. The band Billy Talent is considering changing their name to Andrew Talent. When I jump into a pool I don't get wet, the water gets Andrew Carterd.
There is one last thing I would like to do though. Go to college.
No comments:
Post a Comment